This is Me

Some call you a survivor. Some call you a victim.
I've owned a lot of names. Strong, ugly, beautiful, nerd, bitch, smart, funny, quiet. It makes it hard to figure out who you really are.

I'm not self conscious. I like my body. I'm not fond of my ears, but who doesn't have a quirk they don't like? I've never been popular. I've never had a lot of friends. The friends I have though are the greatest. I don't feel guilty grabbing two slices of pizza when the girl next to me orders a salad. I'm not afraid to tell people what I think. My diplomacy switch is usually turned off. If I have something to say to you, I'm gonna say it, and not behind your back. I'm straightforward, and I don't care if you don't like me.

People say they envy my strength. I don't think I'm strong really, just good at hiding my weakness. I have my collection of masks. I can hide behind a smile when I need to. Show a lion your weakness, and that's where he bites first. I'm no limping gazelle.

I feel like I've admitted defeat. People tell me all I need is a little help. Not everyone can stand on their own forever. The Walk to the counseling center was the hardest walk of my life. I was being crushed. Who knew it would be so terrifying.

I've been afraid for a long time.

I broke down. Flat out bawling. This shouldn't be so hard. I've had my time to deal with my problems. Its not my fault things keep happening to make them surface. Normally I'd be able to survive on my own. But when life comes crashing down around you, trying to be strong and hold the sky up at the same time is impossible. I'm no titan. Atlas would be so ashamed.

Sometimes, we shouldn't be asked to hold up the world on our own.