The Girl Inside My Head

I've never been the kind of person to care what other people think. I've never needed anyone to give me a self-confidence boost. I think I'm pretty. I know I'm a good person, I know I'm a good friend. I know I get straight A's. I've accepted the poor choices I've made. I've come to terms with the bad person I can be if I want to.

But when you give your heart to someone, trust them, love them, and they let you down, then what? When someone you love so completely tells you that you're worthless, its harder to listen to the girl inside your own head. I worry. I know what I am. But what if no one else can see it?

I'm naturally a shy person. If you live inside a shell, no one can poke at your soft pink insides. I'm the clam no one can pry open. Sure, once I get to know you, and trust you, the girl inside my head lets the real me out to play.

Maybe I shouldn't put up a barrier. Maybe I'd be a lot more popular. Maybe I'd have a lot more friends. But, maybe (and most likely), I'd have less. The people who know me know I can be a brash, down to earth person. Sometimes, I'm a splash of cold water to the face. I'm not going to warm anything up before I serve it to you. I tell the truth, even if its hard to hear.

I like to pretend the brick wall I've put up around myself is for other people's protection. But I know the alligator infested moat I've dug is simply to protect myself. I've been hurt enough in the past. When you're left for dead it's either fight for survival or give up. I survived. Again and again. How much more can I take?

The girl inside my head tells me I'm worth it. She knows that the wall I put myself behind is for my own good, she doesn't blame me for it. The girl inside my head thinks that he didn't know what he had, and that he's kicking himself for loosing me. She knows I'm amazing. She knows I'm a good person. She tells me I didn't do anything wrong. Most of all, she knows I deserved to be loved loyally.

I just wish my doubts, fears, and my past didn't drown that girl out.