Worthy

Sometimes, I don't know what I'm worth anymore. I work hard. I work my ass off for my grades. I don't have a whole lot of friends, but the one's I do have are amazing. I make straight A's, always. Sometimes, that doesn't seem to be worth a whole lot.

Everything thats ever happened to me makes me want to believe I've been a shitty girlfriend. I've been told I'm not worth anything but sex. And those that don't say it out loud, scream it with their actions. Most recently, I wasn't worth the work of a long distance relationship. Without sex, I wasn't worth working for. So he cheated. So he left me. So he started dating someone local.

What am I worth? I guess I'm smart. But I work harder for my good grades than a lot of other people do. Maybe I'm not smart. Although I've been told many a time otherwise, I believe I'm pretty. A medium 5'4", and an average 125-130 pounds. I'm a natural blonde, and I particularly like my green eyes. Maybe I'm not a babe, but I'm no hag either. I don't flaunt my body, or wear slutty clothes. But I don't hide it under a burlap sack. I don't want attention because of my body. I want attention because I'm pretty, intelligent, funny. Is it too much to ask a guy to like me for me?

Sometimes I can't believe whats happened to me. If I think about it too much, I don't know why I get out of beds in the mornings. What spurs me to keep going? I haven't got any motivation left. I'm doing everything for other people. Because doing things for me doesn't seem worth it. Why am I worth it? I'm not. College is for my parents, my family. Getting up in the mornings is for my friends. I've got nothing left for me. But maybe that's simply because I don't believe I deserve it.